No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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