I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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