I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
