He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
