Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
