wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
