So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
