Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
