Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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