No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
