there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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