We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
