When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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