that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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