So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did i walk over a car last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
