I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
