If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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