and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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