bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
