I hate your face
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
