Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My vagina is very pro this idea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
