I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize