I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
