When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
