Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
