i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
