wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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