all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize