i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
