i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
