Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize