New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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