i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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