I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
