Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
a search helicopter?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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