I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
