She is in my trunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
