I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dicks are not precious.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
