i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
