She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
