did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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