i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
