Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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