she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
