In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
