I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
