another moral hangover. fuck.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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