PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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