Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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