I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
