He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
