I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
