ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
