Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
