addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
