Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
