hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
