Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
