have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
