my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
