Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
