he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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