Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
