Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
