i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
