A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
