ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize