i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
