Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
