sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
