he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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