Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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