Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
