Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
