the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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